How am I on the question of talking about others when they are not present? I notice that a number of things can happen for me when the question of discussion others comes up.
The majority of positions that I have are auto responses.
1) If someone else talks about or compares themselves to someone who is not present I find that I tend to auto defend the person who is not there. One of my students talks about her neglectful parents and I am likely to auto response with a piece on how everyone is probably doing their best. If a friend expressed hurt from an interaction with a sibling, I will tend to find legitimate reasons for the interaction that have a different meaning to those perceived by my friend. This response appears to perform two functions at once. I protect the part of myself that is afraid of being talked about in an unfavourable light, and it helps me distance myself from the feelings of the person who is expressing. The distancing from their feeling keeps me safe from the same repressed feelings within myself.
2) If I am talking about others, even initial neutrality eventually leads to comparisons that either belittle me or the person I am discussing. I might be talking with excitement about how I watched someone handle a situation really well. If I keep talking and am not mindful of where I am going, I end up feeling less than.
3) If I am complaining about someone else’s behaviour, I am generally using the whole piece to defend myself from my feelings.
Today I will be in the moment in all my interactions. I will notice when I am managing my feelings with my responses. I will allow myself to observe with compassion.
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