Social scenarios and the Exercise of being friendly and warm with people whose behaviour you find really hard to handle.

Social situations are complex and laden. You would probably like to be more than just non-offensive to be okay in difficult social scenarios. You would probably want to be able to handle the situation without having to resort to using similar behaviour in order to show approval. You would probably also do well to be careful not to try to ‘teach’ them anything or shape their behaviour with your response. – You do, after all, know how well you respond to people who use shaming techniques on you. At the same time, it is our responsibility to show people how we like to be treated or interact. If we show people what we want or like rather than what we don’t want or like about what they are giving us, we will start to fare far better in social predicaments. If we laugh at jokes that make us uncomfortable and tell some of our own that do the same, when we can be pretty sure that they are going to give us more uncomfortable jokes. At the same time, a deathly hush can make someone feel very judged and have them not want to engage with you at all or have them engage in such a way that avenges their hurt feelings. This is a good place to briefly acknowledge their comment. We can comment on the mode of delivery if the content offends us. If the mode of delivery is offensive find something to say about the
content and then dare to put something of your own, that you would like to be talking about, into the conversation.

The trick is to be prepared to have the other person find your topic or delivery difficult and to try and steer you away again. It is definitely not about trying to dominate the exchange. It is about trying to find a common playing field. It is about leaving the encounter enhanced, and without leaving any self-esteem wreckage, to either party, behind you.

Today I will practice showing people what I want and like rather than what I don’t want or like.